“Easter, I’m sure you know — or maybe you don’t know. We don’t know anything anymore — is on Sunday. And tonight marks the second night of Passover. I know people who are having virtual Seder and Easter dinners, which is the best we can do, I guess, but also very weird. It’s odd to end a holiday family dinner by pressing ‘leave meeting.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Traditionally on Passover, you save a place for Elijah and someone gets up and checks to see if he’s at the door. But this year, if he’s there, don’t let him in — he’s 3,000 years old.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Easter is also this weekend, and it’s going to be a strange one. Instead of celebrating in the church, we’ll be celebrating in sweatpants — or in no pants. Depends on your denomination.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Easter is this Sunday. Said Jesus: ‘Forget it. I’m not coming out. You guys aren’t social distancing well enough.’” — SETH MEYERS
“Easter doesn’t feel at all exciting this year, probably because I’ve spent the last three weeks driving around looking for eggs already.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I saw that Pope Francis will be streaming Easter Mass on YouTube. You know these are strange times when Easter Mass ends with ‘Be sure to like and subscribe. Smash that like button.’” — JIMMY FALLON
On Thursday’s “Tonight Show,” Sting joined Fallon and the Roots for a quarantine performance of “Don’t Stand So Close to Me,” using instruments they had at home.